Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I was driving home from work listening to the radio and there was yet another program about marriages ending after the kids grow up. I have heard so many of these programs, so many of them discuss how a husband should come home from work, help the wife with housework and the kids, then they discuss how the wife should make sure to make time for the husband. It is discussed how they should have date nights, make time to talk and time to spend time together. Then almost every discussion has one woman who says, "My kids are young, it is too hard to make time, I feel that I am neglecting my kids." This always bugs the heck out of me, we have no problem with neglecting our husbands, but always think that we are neglecting our kids if we are not giving them our 100% attention. Has anyone ever wondered if by giving our kids our 100% attention we are actually neglecting them? If they are always getting our attention, they are rarely learning how to think and entertain themselves, or to think about how to please others.

Our family life has always been different. I have alway told my kids, "I love you very much, but you are some day going to grow up and leave to live your own life, but your dad is always going to be here with me, so he comes first." None of my kids give off the impression that they feel any less loved, because they know that I love their dad first. I feel that I am also setting an example to them of how they should treat their own spouse someday.

It comes down to this in my eyes, I REALLY love my husband. Something inside of me still gets excited knowing he is coming home from work, and I look forward to the attention he gives me. I work hard to make sure the house is fairly clean, usually with the help of my kids and we start cleaning about 30 minutes before he comes home. (I even did this when my kids were young, they got excited too that daddy was coming home.) I try to have dinner almost done, or at least started, before he gets home. I do all this because when he gets home I want to give him my full attention. I want to relax with him eating dinner or watching a show. I want be ready to go to any meetings we need to go to. I can remember a time when I use to continue to work on the house after he got home, and I missed that time with him. It is hard for me to sit still sometimes, but I love our time in the evenings together. I think everyone is more relaxed knowing that we are going to eat dinner, watch a TV show, or even finish up a school project, all this we do together, in our living room. All of my family is in the living room most evenings together, except when the older kiddos are at practice or us adults are at a meeting, and that is a good feeling.

There is an old Good House Keeping article that was from the 1950's that I have seen passed around. It talks about the man being the king of the house and how the wife and kids should try to make the home a pleasant place for him. (Now there are some parts I don't agree with about the husband not having to come home and the wife should not question him on this.) I think too often we have forgotten our place as a wife. I am suppose to be submissive to my husband, to do things to make our home a comfortable environment and to please my husband. In return, he is to love me like Christ loved the church. I am glad my husband is the head of our household, he treats me like a queen and I treat him like my king. I am glad that after almost 19 years I can still say this, I still feel like a teenager in love. I can only hope that my kids will get to feel this way for their future spouse and that they will be able to tell their kids, "I love you very much, but your mother/father still comes first."


Kimberly said...

I love this! I will always remember the series Kris did where he said relationships should come in this order:
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Kids

So thanks for sharing this, I know I don't have kids yet but I plan on putting them right after my husband when I do.

Cari said...

Just remember, your kids will need to see you leave and do things without them, so that some day they will know how to treat their future spouse, you will be setting the example. I think you and Nate will make great parents some day!