Adam and Eve

When we look in the Bible, we start to think about how we have gotten to where we are in this world, how we may need to rethink why we do what we do and how we might start to do things differently.

We know that Adam was there when Eve had the discussion with the serpent and when she took the fruit. He was there when she took her bite and then took the fruit from her and ate it as well.

Genesis 3:6

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

Why did he stand by while she did this? We will never know. It reminds of a time when Tobi was younger and she cut her own hair. Brighton and Dora were both close by when she did this and so I asked them, "Why didn't you stop her from cutting her hair?" To which they replied, "We told her she shouldn't do it." I then pointed out that they should have taken the scissors away instead of just telling her, a two year old, what she should do.

No matter what Adam's reasons were for standing by while Eve took the fruit and ate it, really doesn't matter at this point. So then, why he accepted it from her and ate it, we won't know either. But we do see that when God found out, Adam was no less held accountable as Eve was. In fact, I believe he was held even more accountable. It is mentioned in Genesis that Eve took the fruit first, but after that most of the time when the fall is mentioned in the Bible, it is blamed on Adam, not Eve. So we read that God punishes the serpent first, making him the lowest creature. Next comes Eve's punishment, which I think is interesting.

Genesis 3:16

¹⁶ To the woman he said,

“I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;

with painful labor you will give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband,

and he will rule over you.”

As a mother of four children, I agree there is pain in childbearing. I do believe that God has also shown mercy in this area as well, because no matter how hard I try, I really don't remember the pains of childbirth. There are other pains that come with childbearing, the pains of not being able to get pregnant, the pains of not carrying a child to term, and just the struggles that come with having children. I really think that we can not deny this punishment, it was given to us from God and it is real. What I think we forget is the next line, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." This is harder to pin down, harder to see in every day life, because we look at our desire to be on the same level as men as our rights as women. Is it? Are we trying to put ourselves into the same position as men, because desire what they have? We struggle with the knowledge that we are not the same as men, women don't want to admit that, but if we did, maybe it would be freeing to us. I also think this verse shows that once sin entered the world, there began a break in the union of husband and wife. What all do we desire from our husbands: attention, comfort, praise, security, etc. Security, that one I think sometimes women don't realize how much they want that. I think, and I could be wrong, that if we really admitted it, we want a husband that takes care of us, a husband who does the work that pays the bills so we don't have to, a husband who lovingly makes the final decision on decisions that are hard, and a husband who truly leads his household spiritually. Our biggest fear is that if we admit this out loud, other people will think we are weak and that it will give our husbands some kind of power over us and he will be cruel to us. I believe that is what Satan wants us to think. He wants us to think that we can not really trust our husbands to be the head of the household, because we as women can do a much better job. He is wrong and I fear that is why so many of our families are struggling today.

Genesis 3:17-19

¹⁷ To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’

“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.”

Man in no way got off easy. "Through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life." All the days of your life, ALL, that means that the man will always have to work to provide for himself and for his family, this will not be easy. "It will produce thorns and thistles for you," In other words, this work will never be easy. Not only is man going to have to work ALL the days of his life, it is not going to be easy work. I think it is in man's nature, all of our nature, to want it to be easier, I believe that is why so many men have allowed women to take on their roles in the world. It is easier to let someone else do the hard work, but it is not what God had planned for man. Once again God was showing mercy to man, because through that hard work that man is doing for all his life, he is growing, he is learning and he is bettering himself and his family.

I believe that God set these punishments as punishments, but also as a way of life for us to grow and to seek Him. Just as when parents punish their children to teach them a lesson and to make them better people, so should we see these verses for us to be better people, see why we desire what we do, how we may have to learn from that and that we may need to change our attitudes.

This has been interesting for me to look at. I have no problem saying out loud that my husband is the head of our household, although inside me it is harder sometimes. Over the past 19 years of marriage, we have both grown a lot and I have learned to seek my husband's wisdom before I speak, which is a very good thing for other people, because I could be a quick tempered person. I have also watched my husband grow as the spiritual leader of our house, which I personally think is awesome. I know that he loves his family and would not do anything to hurt us, I appreciate that he discusses things with me, takes what I have to say and then is willing to make the final hard decision. There is a freedom knowing that he loves me like Christ loved the church, which makes me even more willing to submit to him.

Venting

This was an interesting week. I really wanted to vent to someone, but I had to be careful who I vented to in order to protect myself from gossiping. This makes life rough, so I had to vent to God, which is amazing. The more I would talk out my frustrations in my head to God, the calmer I seemed to get, until I got to the point where my thoughts were put down on paper without any bad words or with me quitting. I feel that in the past when I come across a person I disagree with, I may try to say my concerns once to them and if they treat me like an irrational woman, then I tend not to deal with them anymore and remove myself from the situation. One thing people should understand about me, is that I rarely share my concerns with a person without first seeking council from my husband. He usually has a good idea what my concern is, he sees that it actually has merit and helps me decide what words I might want to use. So, when someone treats me like an irrational woman, it kind of makes me laugh, because I know they would not treat my husband that way and he is behind what I say. Anyways, even he was busy this week, although he did help me some with what I said, but he was working through his own concerns on the matter with God, so I took his lead and did the same.

I have also come to the understanding that in removing myself from the situations doesn't always help, because God may have placed me there to continue to get a differing point across. I think I have always taken the easier path of just quitting, but I am tired of doing that and I want to be the person God wants me to be. I believe I am seeing some future struggles coming up and I am praying for strength as they approach. One struggle I see is how we as women have tried so hard to be on the same level as men in the church. I think we need to realize we were never meant to be elders in the church, we can do ministry and we can serve on ministries in the church, but we should not be in a place of high authority in the church. I think that because women have been fighting to be placed on the same level as men in the secular world, we have allowed that into our church as well. In that process, men have stepped aside and allowed women into authority roles, and that is one of the reasons our churches are struggling in the world. Just as important as it is for my husband to be the head of our house, the men should be the heads of our church. This is not a popular idea and I am sure that I will get some arguments from women. It does remind me of the story of Jonah, the people of Nineveh did not know what they were doing was wrong until Jonah came and told them. Once they heard God's message, they changed and repented, was this easy? I doubt it. They would have had to make some huge changes that could not have been comfortable, but God blessed them after they made the changes (mostly by not destroying them). I think we in the church have gotten off track, thinking sometimes that the Bible is old fashioned and did not really mean in our more modern world that men would be the only elders, that is just crazy talk. But is it really? I have been amazed at how the Bible can speak to me in what I am dealing with right now even as old as it is. God is everywhere and I believe His order of authority in the Bible was meant to span over all generations, it may just be a test for us to see if we are willing to obey.

Ok...that may have been a little bit of venting from me.

Married

I was driving home from work listening to the radio and there was yet another program about marriages ending after the kids grow up. I have heard so many of these programs, so many of them discuss how a husband should come home from work, help the wife with housework and the kids, then they discuss how the wife should make sure to make time for the husband. It is discussed how they should have date nights, make time to talk and time to spend time together. Then almost every discussion has one woman who says, "My kids are young, it is too hard to make time, I feel that I am neglecting my kids." This always bugs the heck out of me, we have no problem with neglecting our husbands, but always think that we are neglecting our kids if we are not giving them our 100% attention. Has anyone ever wondered if by giving our kids our 100% attention we are actually neglecting them? If they are always getting our attention, they are rarely learning how to think and entertain themselves, or to think about how to please others.

Our family life has always been different. I have alway told my kids, "I love you very much, but you are some day going to grow up and leave to live your own life, but your dad is always going to be here with me, so he comes first." None of my kids give off the impression that they feel any less loved, because they know that I love their dad first. I feel that I am also setting an example to them of how they should treat their own spouse someday.

It comes down to this in my eyes, I REALLY love my husband. Something inside of me still gets excited knowing he is coming home from work, and I look forward to the attention he gives me. I work hard to make sure the house is fairly clean, usually with the help of my kids and we start cleaning about 30 minutes before he comes home. (I even did this when my kids were young, they got excited too that daddy was coming home.) I try to have dinner almost done, or at least started, before he gets home. I do all this because when he gets home I want to give him my full attention. I want to relax with him eating dinner or watching a show. I want be ready to go to any meetings we need to go to. I can remember a time when I use to continue to work on the house after he got home, and I missed that time with him. It is hard for me to sit still sometimes, but I love our time in the evenings together. I think everyone is more relaxed knowing that we are going to eat dinner, watch a TV show, or even finish up a school project, all this we do together, in our living room. All of my family is in the living room most evenings together, except when the older kiddos are at practice or us adults are at a meeting, and that is a good feeling.

There is an old Good House Keeping article that was from the 1950's that I have seen passed around. It talks about the man being the king of the house and how the wife and kids should try to make the home a pleasant place for him. (Now there are some parts I don't agree with about the husband not having to come home and the wife should not question him on this.) I think too often we have forgotten our place as a wife. I am suppose to be submissive to my husband, to do things to make our home a comfortable environment and to please my husband. In return, he is to love me like Christ loved the church. I am glad my husband is the head of our household, he treats me like a queen and I treat him like my king. I am glad that after almost 19 years I can still say this, I still feel like a teenager in love. I can only hope that my kids will get to feel this way for their future spouse and that they will be able to tell their kids, "I love you very much, but your mother/father still comes first."

I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry, is that 2 words or 3? No matter how many there are, they can be the hardest words to say sometimes, but the words we most long to hear sometimes. Even at a young age it is really hard to say these words. I can remember trying to get my little ones to say "sorry" to a sibling they had just hurt, or even to someone else that they did something to that they should not have. I have watched other parents try to get their little ones to just say "I'm sorry" and then they would no longer be in trouble, but those mouths seem to clamp shut and their eyes seem to lock and there is no way they are saying anything. Why in the world is it so hard to say such simple words? Even as parents, we find there are times that we have messed up, grounded or punished when maybe we should not have and it is time for us to say those words to our children. Then there comes the time to say them to our spouse, even if we did not realize we did something that hurt them or if we did know and did it anyways.

Personally, I tend to be an apologizing kind of person. I like to smooth things over and keep peace. It doesn't always go as smoothly as I want it to. Although, I have had to make myself say I was sorry to the kiddos a few times and I did find that harder. It was like really admitting I was wrong and made me feel really low, but I then realized it was something they needed to see, the needed the example and as much as I hate being wrong, it happens.

I really realized how good the words can be when they are said to you last week. I had never really thought about it and I have had people say sorry to me before, but there are sometimes the words come across more real. When you have to tell someone you think they owe you an apology and they immediately say one, it really doesn't feel real. Yet, when someone realizes on their own and says those words, it can feel so soothing. Still, we have to choose to accept the words, decide to forgive and then work past the hurt to move on to healing, which can be a whole another thing entirely...lol.

Birthdays

I have the coolest new sewing table that was a gift made by my hubby for my birthday. I was going to take a picture to post here, but right now I have tons of sewing stuff stacked on top of it and nobody will be able to see the table. If I actually get it cleaned up, then I will definitely post a picture, my hubby did a great job.

I have decided I don't like Birthdays any more. I am horrible at remembering other people's birthdays, which means I rarely wish them a happy birthday or get them a gift. One of these days I am going to make a calendar just with every birthday I know. But what I really dislike is my own birthday. I start looking forward to my birthday usually a month before it happens, I am usually waiting to see what someone is going to do for me, not that I really know what I want done, but with a birthday close to Thanksgiving and Christmas, not much is ever done. The day comes and goes without much fanfare, which is to be expected. After all, I am the mom, I am the one who is suppose to do the nice things for everyone. Maybe it is just part of being a mom. Then I also wonder to myself, if I want something more special for my birthday, maybe those around me do too? Maybe I need to start looking at ways to wish those around me a better birthday? I could always start this year off by remembering other people's birthdays, hmmm...that is a thought.

Still, I should not complain, my husband worked in secret to make me a custom sewing table to fit in a small corner of our bedroom that gives me more space than I had before and my "5th" child, Claudia from across the street insisted that her mother buy me a portable coffee mug since she sees me take coffee to work every morning when she comes over to catch the bus. I didn't get to go out for dinner to a restaurant, but I did have dinner with my small group at a friend's house. Maybe it is just my weird expectations that get in the way of me enjoying my birthday?

If today is your birthday,

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

A Day at home by myself!

I think this is a first in a really long time, I have they day at home all by myself. I really should be getting more stuff done, but it is feeling so good to be lazy. I am planning to try and move things around in the little girls' room. I am working on laundry today as well, I must say my new washer and dryer hold so many clothes that I am not nearly as behind in laundry as I usually am.

Last night I started dreaming about the next dress I want to make. My mom got me a gift card to JoAnn Fabrics for Christmas, then I had a 20% off coupon, plus the clearance fabric was 50% off, so I really got some good deals. I got some really filmy brown material that I have decided I am going to make me a new regency dress. I will have to layer it with something under it because it is so thin. I am not as fond of the regency dresses, but I am getting excited about this new dress idea. I want to make it fancy and do some cool things with the sleeves. It was hard to sleep last night because my mind was racing with ideas, now I just need to get started. I will make sure to post some pictures when I get started.

I do believe life is going to get back to normal for me. Work was really crazy for November and December, but it should be slowing down, I think. Of course we are getting ready to head into a busy season of Winter Percussion contests and other school like things. Does life really ever slow down? And I am really not sure what normal is for me around here...lol.